Feedback without a License.
Wow, what a way to start the year.
I didn’t take my own advice.
Mid way through a recent assignment (an event featuring 5 different talks from the same company), I was told that I offended an executive by what I thought was a simple suggestion.
The suggestion was, “Have you ever recorded yourself?”
I love the recording devices on our phones. I’ve blogged about it here what a powerful Gestalt-like tool they can be for identifying your own problems in your speech, story or talk. You are more likely to correct the mistakes you identify versus those anyone tells you about.
And they are also great timing tools.
Sure you can use a clock, but that doesn’t help you identify where you may have gone long (or short) since you can’t hear yourself back.
His response to me was “I’ve done this a thousand times. I don’t need to record myself.” I just said, “I don’t need to hear it, but you can use it just to make sure your own timing is good.” After all, there were 5 speakers – if each of them went over 5 minutes, that’s nearly a half hour over their intended timeline. That kind of schedule oversight makes people like me batty, let alone the hundreds of folks in the audience.
So. In looking back, I ask myself: What went wrong? Was it really my suggestion? Was it the fact that he’s new to the job and doesn’t want to be questioned or appear vulnerable? Was it that I didn’t appreciate the fact he’d done it “thousands of times?” Was it that he doesn’t like feedback.
Maybe all or some of those applied, but a higher problem emerged.
He really didn’t know who I was. He didn’t know my story. He didn’t trust my advice or know that I have license to deliver it.
When we first met a few weeks earlier, I was limited to an introduction of this length:
“Hi, I’m Ruth Milligan, and I’m an executive speech coach.”
Anything more would have been frowned upon by the other 15 people in the room who had a big agenda to follow. And it was clear, at this moment of ‘said offense,’ that no one had ever shared with him what my true passion is, how I do it all day every day, how I lead with love and want everyone to reach their potential.
When we were in that script review meeting, it was to review a script (that is a story for another post). So to him, I was a writer. Or at least, if knew I was a coach, he had no ounce of willingness to be coached by me. I could have been introduced more thoroughly, surely, but the ultimate responsibility is mine.
As I have told my clients and classes for years, if people don’t know who you are, how can they trust you? And if you don’t tell them your story, how will they know the real you?
I was really looking forward to giving this executive some further feedback when the time was right. Sometimes, that time is just not meant to be. I wish him well. And thank him for this reminder that at the heart of my work, my clients have to want the feedback first, no matter how I am introduced.
On Coaching Speakers.
Some of the groups of speakers I coached in 2013.
This month I’ve been asked twice to orient / train / tell / brief people on how to coach speakers inside their companies. I’ve struggled with responding as I never like to say no, but in this case, it’s the only answer. I came to appreciate that I haven’t clearly articulated (pun intended) why I coach, how I coach and why I’m not ready to train others to do so – yet.
So let’s start here: I LOVE to coach speakers. It is my happy place, sweet spot and I’m in a professional nirvana when I get to do it. I was a speech communication major in college, I was a speechwriter for five or so years out of college, and my favorite moments since then have been when I’ve helped my associates and clients find their voice and tell their story. I also watch graduation speeches for fun demonstrating that I’m a true geek about it all.
That’s why I love to coach speakers. It’s who I am.
When I started to think about how WOULD I tell a client how to coach their own speakers, I started getting a pit in my stomach, clammy hands and a lump in my throat. Was it because I didn’t want to give up trade secrets? Or that I don’t want to give up the special relationship I get to have with every speaker – listening to vulnerabilities, coaching to strengths, celebrating the standing ovation. Maybe.
But as a professional communication trainer as well, I truly appreciate the diligence and discipline in developing the right curriculum for training someone to learn a new craft, like being a coach to speakers. Giving someone some basic feedback on how they delivered a talk that someone else wrote is one thing (i.e. look at the audience, talk slower, don’t pace). But taking that same person on a journey from not knowing what they are going to talk about, to developing a talk, supporting stories, working through the messes of revisions, getting them to practice and rehearse and at the end of it all – not letting them have a single note and no podium – is a different training. One I’ve not yet built out.
When I coach it is at the intersection of teaching, hand-holding, counseling, editing, criticizing, cheerleading, time-keeping, task-mastering, emotional modulating (my own!), re-directing and hours of pure authentic listening.
And I am working at a different intersection of their work demands, travel schedules, family commitments, confidence, content, delivery, expectations (their own and others), history of speaking, event theme, and well, idiosyncrasies.
Maybe it isn’t rocket science, but every time I have a new speaker, I’m challenged to pull the right tools together from that tool kit I’ve assembled and hope and pray they are the right ones for that speaker, for that event, for that audience, for that topic, for that level of confidence and most importantly, for that reputation on the line.
And I believe that my five years of working one-on-one with over 200 speakers has taught me that I’ve only just begun to understand what it takes to be a great coach. Let alone one that can turn over all of that experience and knowledge and in an hour or event afternoon, to teach someone else how to do it. In time, I’ll decide if I can translate the learning to a train-the-coach world-class training. In the meantime, the answer is sadly no.
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Lessons from the Front Row: What not to do in your TEDx talk
photo credit: TEDxColumbus 2013 and Time Tank Labs
It was five years ago this last winter that I applied for one of the first TEDx licenses. And apparently, I’m one of the few crazy enough get a 6th consecutive one. Our event has grown both in size and maturity, and it’s become a well anticipated event in Columbus each fall.
As we began choosing our speakers this year, someone asked me recently what were the moments when speakers really bombed? I can’t say that anyone really has – but I got to thinking: What were the behaviors that caused a speaker to “disconnect” with the audience?
So here they are: Lessons I learned from the front row (Where I sit every year). Several of the winning points are from my close speaker coaching relationships for some of our sister TEDx events.
1. Tell the audience you are funny. One speaker presented an idea he thought was hilarious but half the audience thought it offensive, rude and reprehensible. The other half did laugh. Had he let the audience conclude it was funny, it may have been more funny. But the tweets were brutal. He decided not to put the talk online.
2. Insert some content that isn’t yours. I had a speaker sign his release at the event and he put an asterisk on it “You may release my video but not the video within it.” Turns out that forbidden video demonstrated the essence, the mojo and the rip-your-heart-out story of why his idea was a rock star. Turns out that video wasn’t his property but someone else’s. While it used to be his, he had moved on but didn’t have rights to it. His talk, despite huge audience approval, also never got posted.
3. Be the smartest person in the room – among a lot of other freaking smart people. One speaker was invite to give a second TEDx talk. His first one was abysmal because he was the smartest guy in the room with 12 really big complicated ideas. My assignment from my colleague (another TEDx organizer) was to help him improve. After I realized he was the smartest guy in the room and didn’t need my help (he refused to engage in any coaching), we let him do what he wanted. So he gave his second talk all on his own. And…he had the same results. Boring stares, no shares. This old dog was not learning any new tricks.
4. Assume we know why YOU care. I asked a very talented speaker to simply give us a line about what gave him license to speak about his topic, which was fairly compelling and exceptionally well stated. His response “Haven’t you read my resume? Don’t you know who I am?” I re-stated it and gingerly asked, “Why do you care about this topic? What moment did you know this would be your life’s work?”…Because I am listening to you deliver a lot of interesting information but will walk away like I do at most restaurants. “Boy the food was good. But who knows what my waiter’s name was.”
5. Refuse to be vulnerable. One speaker was quick to point out all the mistakes in the world that everyone else had made in his draft talk, but protected sharing any mistakes he had made himself. I pointed this out to him and suggested he share a time when he failed and how he learned from it. He refused the advice and as a result, came across as arrogant, showy and preachy. The twitter sphere assured that few would click on his link when the talk was published later.
The TED Commandments and speaker coaching guidance includes the comprehensive list of what to aim for as a speaker. But I submit to you these five, of all the mistakes speakers make, will most quickly disconnect you with your audience, and subsequently, to a wildly successful talk.
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The journey to give a TEDx talk: A documentary.
After the first TEDxColumbus event in 2009 at the Wexner Center, I remember thinking the day after: why aren’t I doing more of “THIS?” This being helping speakers architect their story and find their voice. And deliver what I am now calling “The Talk of Your Life.” It is what lead me to create ar.tic.u.la.tion and the work I do every day.
Now, thanks to video producer Rich Bowers and his desire to follow the success of TEDxColumbus, the journey of two TEDxColumbus 2012 speakers and my passion for coaching people through this experience, we now have this awesome documentary. In a little over an hour, you’ll hear and see the pathway that Naomi Stanford and Jan Allen took on their way to the TEDxColumbus stage, and a lot of my ramblings on how I interpret the TEDx platform, preparation process and my coaching approach.
I’d like to personally thank Naomi and Jan for their participation and extra effort that went into this project. They allowed themselves to be vulnerable, transparent and authentic through each interview. It is my hope and goal that it becomes another valuable and insightful tool for future speakers to use to appreciate the successful ingredients to a wildly successful talk and experience.
Because as Jan said, “You come out of this process a different person than when you went in.”
And here are Jan and Naomi’s full TEDxColumbus talks:
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The Talk of Your Life.
Which way do you read that?
The TALK of your life.
or
The talk of your LIFE.
I want to talk about both.
In coaching speakers toward a major talk – i.e. a Keynote address to 1000, a major presentation and of course, many TEDx talks – I have seen a recurring theme as one of the outcomes. Many, if not all, as a result of preparing the talk of their lives change the talk of their lives.
“I have not taught the same way since I delivered that TEDx talk in 2011,” reported Dr. Maryanna Klatt, a professor at The Ohio State University.
So what can be learned about how we prepare, organize, sequence and deliver our more casual deliveries of messages from the times that we have to stand at the podium with blaring lights in our faces, headsets taped to our cheeks and an audience of people expecting to be engaged. Even if you never have a chance to delivery that “platform” speech, you will more deeply understand what speakers like Maryanna experienced to apply to your own everyday deliveries.
In this series I hope to tease out many lessons I have learned over the last few years from my clients and TEDx speakers. I have read most (if not all) the books on presentation skills, public speaking, storytelling, but I have yet to find one that anchors from the point of view of the speaker him or herself. As I collaborate with dozens and dozens of individuals in helping them find their voice, their content and their story for the talks of their lives, I hope to reveal insight about mindset, organization, structure, story curation, practice and delivery that others can learn from.
I’m thrilled to have the collaboration of Rich Bowers who last year, during TEDxColumbus, built an archive of video footage for a documentary of a few speakers working their way through the TEDx pathway — from being selected to actually presenting. We expect to do the same again this year to compare with last year’s findings. We wanted to better understand what it took to prepare for this Talk of their Lives. Stay tuned for the findings. They may surprise you.
From the collaboration with Rich in addition to a host of data I’ve collected from my own ongoing clients, I hope to produce a useful series of posts that will help anyone prepare for any talk. Many of these topics I have blogged about for the last few years, but hope to sequence and relate to you, the speaker, in the order you need them. And the expectation is that it may change the way you change every talk you give in your life, not just the TALK of your life.
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When do you NOT need a story?
I got that question on Friday while I was training 80 HR trainers in our all-day Influential Storytelling workshop. I promptly replied with an unusual thinking-out-loud-rambling-answer that “I didn’t think so.” Then I promptly told a story why.
I was reminded when I heard this talk a few years ago when I sat in the audience craving a story to balance out the facts she was presenting. At the end, she told a story, but a wrong one (in my opinion). Her message did not resonate and in fact, it lost credibility with me.
Remember, the definition of a story is the bridge that connects what you do know and care about with what you don’t yet know and care about.
I went through several scenarios to test if there was ever a time you didn’t need one. Here’s my result:
– When you have data to share. Sure, you can use a story to help shape what the data is saying.
– When you have a procedure or how-to list. Of course, sharing a story can help someone sequence in their mind the steps you expect them to take.
– When you have an analysis or trend. It would be hard to share the trend without demonstrating one of the stories that represents the trend, right?
– When you want to introduce someone. Well, that in and of itself is a story of who they are.
– When you want to explain a rumor or challenge. It’s likely a metaphor will be needed to explain the vision to emerge from it.
I’m open, but having a hard time finding a time when a story can’t be used. It may not always be needed – but certainly, it can be desired – especially by your audience who wants to connect with your message.
No CommentsDare to fade to black
Last week, we suggested an outrageous idea to a client who was addicted
to PowerPoint (as in she had sent at least 200 pages of slides in 4
decks). While we were helping her to narrow down a presentation to 15
slides, we also suggested they use a black slide when one of the 5
presenters told a poignant and personal story. Just a simple black
slide. The response? Oh, no, we couldn’t!
So here’s our tip: Try to use one black slide. As you always want to
connect the visual (what they see) with the verbal (what you say) with
the vocal (how you say it), so by taking away an image (even your
‘master design’) on the screen and just telling a story, it will
achieve different resonation. And don’t forget! The speaker IS a
visual.
Indeed I do think some of the best presentations can paint pictures
without using any slides. But for those that are in the
mouse-wheel-world of PowerPoint decks, do give the “black slide” a
try.
On Coaching and Training
April was a wonderful month, thank you! We coached on talks that ranged
from a community keynote to major internal corporate meeting, from a
new business pitch to a business plan competition, from medical
training to a stakeholder conference welcome address. We are grateful
for the diversity of talent and projects seeking our help.
Meanwhile, we hosted our first public Influential Storytelling all-day
training and brought a dynamic lunch-and-learn version of it to
Battelle. Our upcoming public presentations will be at the SOTA
conference on May 11 and the WELD conference on June 7.
We would love to help your associates learn the value of storytelling
as well! Let us know if you’d like a preview of our class to share the
value of how stories can help advance key business opportunities.
A little TEDx – related news:
– Nominations are still open for the fall TEDxColumbus event on October
5 @ COSI, click here to read our blog for details. This year’s
theme is “The Future Revealed.”
– Be sure to visit the latest addition the the TEDxColumbus website,
FOLLOW THIS. Ever wonder what happens after TEDxColumbus? Did that idea
work? That project gain momentum? Curious what that speaker is up to
now? FOLLOW THIS answers these questions. Visit the FOLLOW THIS
section of TEDxColumbus.com.
TEDxKids@NBCC Journal Entry 1: Teaching kids about story.
Today I began a six week journey with about 15 elementary school children toward a final destination of a TEDxKids event. Yes, I’ll take your luck as I’ll likely need it.
“NBCC” is North Broadway Children’s Center where my two children have attended pre-school and now aftercare since they were 18 months and 10 weeks, respectively. They are now 7.5 and 5.5 yrs young in 2nd grade and Kindergarten.
After producing three full-blown TEDxColumbus events featuring 40 speakers and performers to over 1200 people (collectively) my daughter (the 7.5 year old) said to me in passing one day, why can’t I do a TEDx event? And there was only one response: why not? Why not. Did I really say that?
So today we gathered at about 12 children in a classroom at NBCC, my two kids and about 10 others with a few kids from each grade – K through 4. The youngest is my son at age 5.5, and the oldest is 9. We expect there to be a flux of the attendance since we are holding these five classes at 4:30pm on a Friday, but it’s also a time when we know there’s no homework to be done! At some point the lack of attendance will eliminate them from participating in the event on 2/17, but we’ll address that later.
Full disclaimer about now – my TEDx colleague in Edinburgh, Ewan McIntosh, is responsible for inspiring this approach on which I’ll be reporting – and some of the curriculum pieces. He produced one of the first TEDxKids events at Sunderland (TEDxKids@Sunderland) with about the same aged kids. Since I’ve never taught a kid a thing in my life except to my own – and that’s questionable on most days – I’m grateful for his general direction. I’m hoping these posts and documentation will aid others in wanting to execute their own Kids events. Remember, my expertise is in adult learning and at that, centered on the process of being an effective public speaker and how to architect a story for business settings. I’m banking on it translating to those four, five or six decades younger.
Today’s subject: What makes a story.
After spending about 90 seconds trying to explain what TED was to the group and how in six weeks they will stand up and deliver a very short – as in 1-2 minute talk – I broke out a classic fairy tale. There was no easy explanation of TED for these kids and showing them any sort of TED talk would have scared the shit out of them. In fact, the mere mention of this sentence “You will stand up in front…” started to give one 4th grader anxiety (why SO young? more on that later). So off we went into the Brothers Grimm version of Little Red Riding Hood.
Cat, the teacher who is my cohort to make sure the kids don’t all rebel against me in this 30 minute session, later told me she thought that was really a PG-13 version of Little Red. Indeed, most had only heard the G version but it served me well.
Two of my older boys (4th grade) were not pleased about having been signed up to participate. Sitting in the back, they exhibited some “we’re too cool” to be here attitude. Until I said that the wolf ate Red Riding Hood and her Grandmother. And the Hunter later saved them. The mythic journey was real. Now, for some of the more sensitive kids, this might have not been the best choice of versions – but the story works great for the following learning outcomes:
– Demonstrating that the book was passed down by word of mouth for hundreds of years before it was written. Explaining that’s how stories really get passed around.
– Clear delineations to explain the introduction of the characters, setting, events and conclusion. (Or in my terms – the complication, question, answer). Also, it took a few moments for them to know that the wolf was the villain but once they did, BAM, those boys were hooked! And loving to figure out that the hunter was the hero.
Here is the video from that portion, judge for yourself if it worked:
After we read it and discussed those main elements (15 minutes), I broke the class into four sections (3 kids each). And I passed out this form (see it here) that listed four categories of the story: character, setting, events and conclusion. Each section was assigned a category (I highlighted a different category for each section) and asked to change it in the story. Think big. Think tall. Think aliens, wormholes, noses and chocolate chip candy canes. The learning objective was to demonstrate how easily a story can change, reinforce the elements of a story, get them to think those things (ie create) and then to actually talk – using their own ideas and thoughts. And I’d say, it worked! Here are the videos after about 4 minutes of brainstorm (after a few minutes of explanation). Again, see for yourself.
I didn’t introduce any “event” planning elements today. I’m still unsure how to handle the distribution of labor except that I think a sub-group of the class will be interested and I’ll meet with them separately. Here’s my working list for a TEDxKids event – with a breakdown of what the kids should do without adults and where they need adult help. Please check a later post if you want to see if it got refined which is pretty assured. Likewise with the schedule of classes:
Friday, January 13 Storytelling frameworks through traditional fiction
Friday, January 20 Illustrative Language (how to describe things)
Friday, January 27 Idea Generation around a passion and community need
Friday, February 3 Public Speaking Basics
Friday, February 10 Visuals and demonstrations to support key points / Rehearsal of ideas
I’ll post a summary of each week. At the end, we’ll recap the curriculum into something a bit fancier.
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